mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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