Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I want to fling myself into the sun
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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