Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
