im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
