Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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