I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
