It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
