All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
