I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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