I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
