Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
