why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
pray to the hookup gods
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
