I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
