Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
