Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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