All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
