the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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