OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
