i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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