I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
