Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
