awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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