Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There's always time for handjobs
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
