We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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