I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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