I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
