hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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