They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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