And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
