Im at strip club and am horny
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We named our party play list daddy issues
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
