I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
