We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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