i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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