well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
