Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
