I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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