i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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