Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
