Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i think i just lost a toe
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
