You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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