Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
