i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
