i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
