PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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