Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
