Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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