My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
