We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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