Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
