Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
