Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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