I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My vagina just clenched in fear
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
