that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
did i walk over a car last night?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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