I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
