He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
