I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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